By Gene Richards

From your correspondent at the front (on the streets of Chengdu, Sichuan, People's Republic of China):

 It's finally dawning on me - after about 11 months - and Michael's constant  political thought (the thought of Chairman Becker?).

 It's a war out there.   Here I mean.  China is very rapidly modernizing,  racing into the age of, wait, not space, not exploration, not capitalism.  THE CAR.  That's it.  They're entering into the age of a motorized  citizenry.  Just like ... the West.

 The war is between the car and the bicycle.  The new way and the old way of  getting around.   The motorized and the muscle-powered.  Don't get your  leftist aspirations up too quickly, however.  Could I explain?

 The reason I say this and why I am so amazed that it took awhile to see it  is that I am very critical of all I see around me.  At first I thought the  people were just plain out of their minds - darting out in traffic, on foot  or bike, almost senseless of the danger involved (Gene's still thinking the  American way).   Then I tried to ride like the Chinese ride, so I wouldn't  have so many conflicts while biking down the lanes.

 The basic tenet in the war is that the bikes are not ready to cede control  of the streets to the semi-rich who can afford to drive a car.  The law says, and the drivers act like, the cars have the right-of-way.  But, you  don't want to get into a big hassle, and a long wait, by smacking someone on  the street.  Got to wait around for the authorities and the ambulance (maybe   the ambulance), police going to ask a lot of questions, etc., etc.  It's easier  just NOT to hit someone.  So, everyone plays the classic game of Chicken.

 I think I've said that there are two rules of driving in China, and after  learning same, you can have your very own permit to drive.

 Rule One:  I dare you to hit me!

 Rule Two:  Never hit anyone!

 That's it.  Did you learn the rules?  Ok, here's your license.  Go out and  knock hell out of the curbs.

 So, all accidents are caused by contraventions of one of the two rules.  To be fair,  I've told my students that there are also two rules of American driving:  Rule One - drive as fast as you possibly can;  Rule Two - don't get caught.  I've also heard that there are exactly two rules to driving in Sri Lanka,  but I only remember the first:  Don't look to the left or right or back or  up or down - you're only responsible for what's directly in front of you.   Funny how every country only has two rules, huh?

 So, do any damn thing you want to do or feel like at the spur of the moment (Rule #1)  and don't actually hit anyone in so doing and don't hit others doing the  same stupid things (Rule #2).  You can turn left in front of oncoming traffic, swerve  in and out of lanes or into oncoming traffic (why don't people hit you -  remember rule #2?), drive the wrong way down bike lanes, pull out into  traffic with only a cursory glance (if that) of whether there is space for  you or not, and so on like this.  You think, I'm sure, that I'm making this  up or exaggerating for effect.  I am not.

 So, what do you do if you are on a bike?  The same.  I dare you to hit me.  Please believe me.  Michael talks about a one-man critical mass ride -  welcome to China, where bicycles actually reached critical mass some time  ago but are in danger of losing it.  So, when crossing the street, I just  wait for some other fool to nose his/her bike out into traffic (in any  location their heart desires), and we all wait until some poor slob in a car  slows down a heartbeat and we all edge out further, until, voila, we've  blocked the traffic and we can cross, as soon as we make it across the other  direction of traffic.

 But like I said before - it's a war.  Now I understand why people do the  crazy-ass things they do.  I don't forgive them their rudeness, but I think  I understand their strategy.

 And plenty of people break rule #2, and I have seen bodies lying in the  street and heard enough stories to know it's true, mainly because there are  so many brand-spanking new drivers out there without a clue as to how to  really drive.   But, by God, they thought they knew the two rules!!!  Oops!  Forgot rule #2.  What was that second rule again dear?  Thump!

What do you do when you have actually hit someone?  You walk over and see if  he's compus mentus (knocked out or comprehensible), and then argue about  which one of you was breaking the rules.  It's usually, you were driving too  fast.  And, you shot out in front of me.  Ok, how much to fix your broken  bike?  (About 10 curbside bike repair guys will be around arguing about this, by  now.)  Ok, here's Y100.  That's it.

 How do I know?  I've played chicken with enough taxis to know, I tell you.   You absolutely got to keep your eyes open, rule one for bikes.

 HOWEVER, let me add that it all seems to work in a sort of a sort-of way.  That is, people get to where they are going, usually in one piece.  And  there are just enough polite, slow, careful people out there to let the  idiots get away with their foolish actions.  And the Chinese are NOT  complainers, don't say rude things when they get cut off in traffic. (It's  funny to even think this because it's so common to get cut off.)   So we all  pedal and drive our way to our destinations, weave around roadblocks, wait   for the fools to do some damn fool thing and then go on.  A lot like life. 

 Love from the war zone,

 Gene

 (Gene Richards can be found at gene1@cvip.fresno.com)